New Class Underway

Well, I started a new class yesterday and with less than a year to go for the marketing degree, I am really second-guessing it all now. I am slowly (more like I AM ALREADY THERE) getting burned out on my current career path that I have been in for over ten years. I am fortunate to have both the background and experience in my career that I do, but I find absolutely no joy in anything associated with this career choice.

Yes, I have a lot of benefits with my company - working from home, extremely lax working hours, and so on, for normally a position that requires a lot of strict guidelines because of what I do. I love my company, I just want out of the job. It is because of the feelings towards what I do, that have me questioning the degree path I am on.

I usually work through the feelings and frustrations because I have a ton of time, energy, and money  invested in the degree, and lots of lost time with my kids. It is too late really for me to change my degree a whole lot and what ever I would decide, would still be in business, so it’s not like I can make a huge change and still be within a good time frame to successfully complete my degree. I’m not starting all over again.

So, really this is more of a vent to release some frustration because I know what I’ll do; I’ll keep going with this degree since I have such a little amount of time left. Then I will have a marketing degree and want out of business so bad that the bitter taste in my mouth won’t go away.

I ventured out at 18 to find the path no one else in my family took. I started off pretty good, then young and stupid, I got blinded by what I thought was love and my path skewed a bit. Well, love found and lost and two kids later - both reminding me they are the center of my world - I find myself age 34 and trying to get back on that path is frustrating to say the least.

OK, vent OFF!

Posted in Life's Little Adventures, The Bitch Session | 3 Comments »

Just Some Normal Coffee

Drinking coffee is a must for me in the AM - well, at least for now. I can go months without one sip, but get me hooked back on it, it’s like a drug. I know, I know, coffee is probably not the best thing for me to be drinking, but hey, it’s better than some stupid things I could be doing. Anyway…

My bitch today is that I work in an office with several other women and we all drink coffee, I am the ‘plain’ drinker of the office - meaning coffee and cream work fine for me. Some of the other ladies in my office like it spruced up a bit; flavored this way today, flavored that way tomorrow, and sometimes I wonder how one can even taste the flavor on top of the full cup of creamer and dash of coffee she drinks. Anyway…

When you work in an office of several coffee-drinking people, polite office etiquette leads you to make the coffee in the AM if you are the first one in. We all do that, so that’s all good, BUT make it PLAIN coffee. Please, for all that is sacred in this world, do not make flavored coffee. Just because you want raspberry fruit tart today, doesn’t mean everyone else does, and especially not the plain coffee girl. Its easier to add flavor to your coffee then take it out!

So, how will this be settled? Well, I settled it. I was the first here today, I made plain coffee and dumped the flavor crap down the toilet. Hmm… “I don’t know what happened to the coffee. I didn’t see it this morning.” Tomorrow, I will be the nice colleague and will run to the mom-n-pop coffee shop and buy like every flipping flavor there is to add to coffee and bring it in. They can still have the flavor, just not directly from the pot!

Posted in Just Stuff, The Bitch Session | 6 Comments »

Who Knows You Blog?

When I first started this blog it was a means to unclutter my mind with all the crap that was in there; irritations about my separation and husband, to help with a bit of child-stress, and to maybe figure out where I needed to go in life. My venting machine - hmm… change the title? Nah!

No one knew in my family that I was writing this blog, no need to share it with them. Again, my venting blog. What good was a venting blog if I shared it with those I vented about? So, no one knew, and still to today, no one in my family knows about this particular blog.

As I ventured out and began blogging other places, I had to schedule my time a bit more wisely. I never take time from my children, but I did begin to ask their dad to keep them an hour longer for his time. When time changed, the questions followed. What’s going on? So, I told him.

Well, the thing I knew would happen, happened. “What? That’s stupid! Why are you doing that?” “Takes time away from the family.” No, you mean it takes time away from you! You want me to be doing what you want; going here, going there, doing this, doing that. The questions never ended.

By the time he was done, I felt like calling it quits. Again, one more thing that I do for me, squashed by the attitude of a selfish man. I didn’t quit, I enjoy what I do. Even if only one person reads each of the blogs I do, I do them for me and to either give enjoyment, help or advice.

Well, he knows I blog, but not what they are; he could care less. I told him because we are suppose to be mending our relationship, this is important to me, so I thought I would share something I felt for, but this is one more reason to question “What the heck am I still doing with him?”

Posted in Marriage, The Bitch Session | 15 Comments »

Wedding Bells

We all know that they are not for me! One of my sisters - three years older than me - is getting married in September. After six years of dating and being engaged with her guy, they are finally tying the knot. I am happy for her. Glad that she has finally found the right guy. She asked for Miss K to be her flower girl and of course I said yes. Miss K is only concerned about eating wedding cake of course. My concern - going home.

Going home is a whole dark place that I don’t even want to think about. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but I love them from afar. That’s not right either, I shouldn’t have such anxiety about returning home, but I do. The next day that ticks off and the closer we get, the harder I am starting to take it.

There is a whole story behind ‘home sweet home’ that left me with bitterness. I grew up fine, my family was great, but once my father died of cancer when I was in high school, everything went down hill. Left at home to take care of my mom, four nephews and a niece, within two years home was no longer home, I left home at 18 and haven’t been home since.

It can really way on someone to leave at 18 and return at 34. In this long time span, I served in the Navy, married, had a family of my own, and have tried to accomplish things I don’t believe I would have had I stayed at home. Don’t get me wrong, I have stayed in touch. I fly my mom out once a year, tons of phone calls every month to mom and my sisters; we are together, just not in person, and there has been no reason to return - until now.

So, in order to celebrate the occasion and keep myself on the sanity path, I hired a personal trainer to get my butt into shape. Tuesday, Thursdays, and Saturdays, I will be working my ass, both to get into shape, but to help focus my frustrations on going home. Hopefully, this will help clear my head and let me let go of my own personal demons.

Wish me luck. I’ll need it!

Posted in Life's Little Adventures, Marriage, The Bitch Session | 3 Comments »

Turn Signal Etiquette

They are not decoration for those behind you. I could care less how fast or how slow the light blinks, I don’t want to see it, so turn it off!

That is one of the most annoying things ever. Now, every once in a while there is the person that genuinely forgets to turn it off, but usually the light blinking furiously in front of me is from someone that does it all the time - a repeat offender!

Why is it annoying? I consider it a hazard. Laugh if you want, but think about it. The person driving in front of you has their signal on. Do they want to change lanes? Are they going to be turning? Since you never see break lights with the signal, should you worry they are going to slam on their breaks at the last minute?

This one person’s reaction to NOT turning off their signal makes wanderers out of everyone behind them. Slowing down, stopping, or letting them over - all valid reactions of the people behind the non-turning-off-turn-signal.

Even more annoying then the non-turning-off-turn-signal person is the one that NEVER uses the turn signal. It is right by your hand when you are driving anyway, use it! It is NOT a difficult tool to use - push up or push down - simple.

Nothing more irritating then someone weaving in front of you or better yet, stopping suddenly to turn, but because I had no clue, I almost rear end the person and then in turn I almost get smacked by the car behind me.

Use your turn signal just turn it off when you’re done!

Posted in Just Stuff, Life's Little Adventures, The Bitch Session | 8 Comments »

I Don’t Want To Move

I admit that I am not too keen on living in Arkansas. I don’t hate it, I’m not miserable, but I can’t say this is where I want to spend the rest of my life either. Do I want to move? Not yet. I am in an OK place mentally and work-wise, and with my kids happy where they are, why is he pushing it?

Every year around the same time the spouse begins his “Let’s move” initiative. Need I remind you that we are in Arkansas because he needed to move back by his mom? I didn’t choose to move here, but since day one it seems like he is constantly wanting to go. Well, I told him to go if he wants. I am not keeping him here. With all of the past year and a half rolled up, I would not think any less of him if he did move.

“Do what’s right for you,” is what spilled from my mouth.

“I want you and the kids to come with me.”

Basically, that was the conversation all weekend long. He needs to understand that our sepearation has helped me realize that our children come first, not him. Moving is what he wants, again for selfish reasons that have nothing to do with family. I was done with that a year and a half ago, why on earth would I bring that back into my life?

Just another one of those complaints that leave me asking myself when he will get the point? We separated - it’s not about him anymore.

Posted in Marriage, The Bitch Session | 2 Comments »