I didn’t want to write about this.  I spent all day fumbling through my thoughts, gaining some perspective, and allowing myself a little space before I took the plunge.

I met him, the Spouse, 14 years ago today, August 14, 1993.  Both of us were in the military, out for a night with friends.  Neither one of us was expecting to meet anyone.  I definitely hadn’t planned on meeting my husband that night.  I did, I met the man of my dreams.

We had energy between us.  Energy I have never experienced with anyone else.  From that night on, we were inseparable.  We ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner together.  We forgot we had friends, forgot a world existed outside the two of us.

I loved in a way that love had never hit me before.  I knew he would be the man I would spend the rest of my life with.  Today though, I cry for us.  I cry for the man and woman we were, and the love we once shared.

One year ago, I asked the Spouse for a divorce.  We had grown apart.  He became a man that served his friends and forgot about his children and wife.  Family was no longer important and I suffered through a lonely marriage.

Although still married, we are separated.  I have asked for time and space for us both.  We both need to find ourselves again, before we can ever find our way back to each other.  Will that day come?  I can’t give you that answer.

In him, I see my best friend, no longer my husband.  Do I love him?  Yes, but not in the way spouses love each other.  I love him as my best friend.  Do I want to lose him?  No, but I don’t think we can be married either.

If we do ever find our way back to each other, I believe our marriage will be stronger for this time we have taken.  In order to accept each other and to love the other person for whom they are, we need to learn about ourselves again. 

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 14th, 2007 at 11:16 pm and is filed under Marriage. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.